I spend a fair amount of time driving around and with this, I see lots of odd things. I live in a very nice part of the world and I am very appreciative of this but recently I have noticed that things maybe are not quite as nice as they seem. There is a dark underbelly to where I live. Yes this island I live in is known as being quite affluent but some things disturb me. I have noticed that there is a level of poverty that no-one seems to be talking about. It wasn’t obvious at first but once I had acknowledged it, it was everywhere. It saddens me so. There seems to be a lot of homeless girls walking the streets and I’m not sure why. If you walk the streets of this town, you can’t help but notice girls that obviously can’t afford to dress themselves properly. Maybe they have spent all of their money on in-app purchases, maybe the money has gone on hair straighteners, maybe on cheap cider and bootleg cigarettes but one thing is for sure, it hasn’t been spent on their trousers.

These poor girls must have very cold knees/shins/thighs because, unfortunately, the trousers that they seem to own are ripped to shreds. Will anyone help them? The trainers are pristine, the parker jackets are clean and their hair is straight – so fucking straight. There is always a space for dignity even with the impoverished. For some reason though, it seems that they can not afford trousers that didn’t cost £2.75 from a charity shop. It’s not their fault. No-one would buy jeans with massive holes in them if they didn’t have to, that would just be really silly, wouldn’t it? In a world of low cost clothing readily available on most high streets, the mind boggles as to how these poor girls can’t find appropriate attire to dress themselves in. I can’t help but feel that maybe we could set up a crisis centre for them. I’ve noticed a few guys seem to be in the same position so maybe this is turning into some sort of pandemic that the world needs to know about.

Forget Aleppo, forget school shootings, forget AIDS, what we need here is a global policy on making sure that people everywhere have warm knees. Who would of thought that this could happen again… oh yes, this has happened before, yep. We have been afflicted with such cataclysm in the past. Stories have emerged that this has happened in the mid 90’s. I actually recall zombie like wastrels roaming the lands looking for superiorly bedecked tramps to strip of their clothing just so the hoards may survive another night. Do you know how it feels to have exposed areas of leg? Do you know the hardship of having to sell your Adidas classics for only one knee patch? I think not. Count yourself lucky. If your reading this in a public toilet, on your iphone, trying to keep the cold at bay, hear me now… I understand your plight. The global super powers are working day and night to make sure those sweat shops in far off lands are churning out perfectly good jeans. No holes, no distressed look and no faded garments will leave their tiny hands. Whomever is doing this to you, whomever is denying your title to decent clothing will be held accountable. I promise you.

We are with you in solidarity. Listen now my brothers and sisters, all of you that have felt the heavy hand of oppression, you’re time is fast approaching to take back the reins of your life. No longer will you have to suffer. Together we can fight this demon, together will will win. History will know your name…

I mean… come on. Who the fuck actually buys ruined trousers? Where is the sense in that?

Fashion? Fuck off. I have to confess that I might have a pair of trousers that look like they have spent six tours of duty on the front of a tank in Helmand province but that has something to do with the fact that I’ve had them for five years and wear them all the time- building sites, skating, set building and coastal walking (walking in general really). If you have bought your clothing already ruined/distressed, there is help for you to find your way through all of this madness. There are mental health action groups that would be delighted to help you out. If you have managed to only spend a fiver on these trousers then I applaud you. Please don’t spend anymore.

I know people feel that they need to “look good” but surely looking like you’ve been felating hobos at the back of McDonalds for a mouldy burger isn’t the look you’re going for, is it? I am by no means a fashionista of any sort and I’m sure I am guilty of many fashion faux pas but let’s get a grip here, no-one thinks that having the appearance of wilful destitution is a good look… is it? This isn’t even Grunge, it’s not even punk. There is no rallying cry against society here, no social statement of boredom, no disgruntled argument against the mainstream, just a blinded following en masse of a trend that no-one could possibly understand. We are free to choose what we want to do but do any of us really know what we’re doing here with this? Imagine being the poor little sod who has spent the last week of their lives stitching ill fitting trousers together to just be sent off to be “distressed” and sliced open at the exact place you would actually need the trousers to be intact, how depressing is that?

I’m fucked if I know what it’s all about.

Changing Man